We Heal Together

Part 2: Let’s Talk About Healing Our Childhood Sexual Shame.

Episode Summary

This is part 2 of a three-part series. This episode explores the concepts of sex education, sex talks, policing clothing, the orgasm gap, and what we were taught as a child. If you missed part 1, go back & listen to that episode. It got into virginity, slut-shaming, and what we were taught as a child. Tune in next Monday to Part 3, which is the "healing episode" of the series. Be sure to check out the show notes for all citations, resources, book recommendations, and worksheets. If you like my content, I would love to have you as a part of my community. I invite you to follow me on Instagram @codependentrecovery. Check out the show notes for information on how to purchase my workbook & how to join ZOOM community clubs. Don't forget that a new podcast drops every Monday. Tune in next Monday for a new episode. We heal better together. See y'all soon. Xoxo- Cordelia

Episode Notes

Podcast Info

• A new podcast episode drops every Monday.
• Music credit: L-Ray Music, Courtesy of Shutterstock, Inc.
• Learn more about your host, Cordelia, by clicking here
• Be sure to follow Cordelia on Instagram: @codependentrecovery
• Want to help me make this podcast better?  Take an anonymous survey here.

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WORKBOOK + COMMUNITY + RESOURCES

• Want access to free resources? Click here
• Need help finding a therapist? Click here
• Check out Cordelia's book recommendations here
  • Disclosure: Cordelia is an affiliate of Bookshop.org and she will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.
• Are you going through a breakup or divorce?  Here is the link to the 98-page workbook.  Print version + ebook version available worldwide.
• Want to join the community (i.e., community club or book club)? Click here
• Interested in any other affiliate links? Click here
  • Note: affiliate links mean Cordelia earns a commission if you click through and make a purchase.

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CITATIONS FOR TODAY'S EPISODE

General

1. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.

Sex Education

1. https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/issues/sex-education/how-sex-education-funded
2. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/gender-and-schooling/201812/funding-abstinence-the-war-sex-ed
3. https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/pediatrics/138/2/e20161348.full.pdf
4. https://www.publichealth.columbia.edu/public-health-now/news/high-school-sex-ed-may-prevent-sexual-assault-college
5. https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1002/j.2379-3988.2010.tb00065.x
6. https://www.guttmacher.org/news-release/2006/premarital-sex-nearly-universal-among-americans-and-has-been-decades

Sex Talk

1. https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/05/consequences-of-no-sex-talk/
2. https://everydayfeminism.com/2013/08/losing-virginity-for-good/
3. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/tips-talking#:~:text=Research%20tells%20us%20that%20kids,to%20be%20healthy%20and%20safe.
4. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/tips-talking#:~:text=Research%20tells%20us%20that%20kids,to%20be%20healthy%20and%20safe.
5. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/uploads/filer_public/41/81/4181fd5b-b359-480d-8f91-6f9fffda6cb3/nationalpoll_09-14_v2_1_1.pdf
6. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/05/21/what-happens-to-our-girls-when-we-dont-talk-about-sex/

Policing Clothing

1. https://www.coasthighschool.com/apps/pages/index.jsp?uREC_ID=687686&type=d&pREC_ID=1127290
2. Letter by mom to Notre Dame re Leggings: https://ndsmcobserver.com/2019/03/the-legging-problem/
3. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/news/a21667/united-airlines-girl-leggings-shaming/
4. https://time.com/36997/when-enforcing-school-dress-codes-turns-into-slut-shaming/
5. https://jezebel.com/lets-reinvent-the-dont-be-a-slut-school-dress-code-509077807
6. https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/virtue_signaling
7. https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/07/stop-saying-slut/

Orgasm Gap

1. https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/orgasm-gap-why-it-exists-what-women-can-do-about-ncna983311

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RESOURCES/EXERCISES FOR YOU TO DO ON YOUR OWN

• https://msha.ke/codependentrecovery/   - Again, Cordelia's website has  "self-healing" resources on the website with free worksheets/etc.
• Recommended Books
  • The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti:  https://www.amazon.com/Purity-Myth-Americas-Obsession-Virginity/dp/1580053149
  • Unspeakable Things: Sex, Lies, and Revolution by Laurie Penny:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KRDKH2G/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_GUqxFbSK749A9
  • Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive by Kristen J. Sollee -https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996485279/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_wWqxFbMD6Q98F
  • Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1476762090/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_hYqxFbJV59KF5
  • The Ethical Slut by Janet W. Hardy - https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399579664/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_OYqxFbPNZMTY4
• Tips for Talking to Kids about Sex
  • https://www.plannedparenthood.org/uploads/filer_public/cd/e3/cde39a0f-0bbb-4d30-a6e1-613d3bf8d020/27_lets-talk-tv-parents-checklist_d12.pdf
  • https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/tips-talking#:~:text=Research%20tells%20us%20that%20kids,to%20be%20healthy%20and%20safe.
• Worksheets
  • Sex & Gender Messages: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/567a2d961115e097de2ef3df/t/568cbb0704acd3ba59b8295f/1347346680733/Worksheet4_AmINormal.pdf
    • It helps unpack where you learned about various concepts around sex and gender as a child.
  • Help to Talk about Sex with Partner (and to Figure Out What You Like) - https://www.autostraddle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/sexapalooza-handout-branded.pdf
    • This could be used to help you navigate conversations with your partner or figure out what you like.  It covers things like... what you want to do, what you like sexually if you like toys and lubes, what turns you on, boundaries (on what/shouldn’t be said or done).
  • Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist - https://www.scarleteen.com/sites/files/scarleteen/yesnomaybe.pdf
    • You can either use this as a mental self-evaluation tool or talking with a partner as you go through it together.  Lists like this do not finish lines but starting points: evaluating your own sexuality and/or for deeper conversations with someone else.